Even When You Can't
by CheekyBrunette
Summary: Kendall can see the good in James, even when he can't.  And if he needs to, he'll make him stand in front of the mirror until he does, too. Friendship, Fluff, and sweet enough to rot your teeth.


**"Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz..."**

**Dude. I am so, so, so tired... can I go to sleep? Why? Who care's if it's only six thirty, I'm . Huff. Fine, I'll write. BUT DON'T GET MAD IF IT'S NOT ANY GOOD! **

**Um, btw. When I tell you all I'm going to update, I really DO mean to do it when I say. I'm just really dumb... so there. But here's the plan! Today I'll do a BIDs, and I have this Kames that I'm writing right now... and then tomorrow the goal is to find away to do the final chapters of SWB and maybe start the sequel (Very, VERY different from the first, but I think you're like it...). THEN on Sunday. BE PREPARED because I will be writing a 9/11 fic. I'm pretty excited about it... we had a whole day at school all about it... pretty intense! One of the reasons I'm so exhausted... But yes. It is extra special cause most of you know I NEVER post on Sunder, but... this is an exception...**

James frowned in the mirror, tears welling up in his eyes. He just tried _so freaking hard_, and nothing ever worked. His appearance blatantly refused to meet his expectations, and it was driving him up the wall. He took a few quick, calming breaths to compose himself, and his shaky hands went back up to try to fix his bangs just right for about the hundredth time in the past ten minutes. Eventually, he gave up with a frustrated huff and gripped the edge of the sink so hard his knuckles turned white. He stared down his reflection and felt despair creep through his veins.

Everything was just so wrong. The longer he looked, the less he liked. His hair was too matt and dull; his eyes were a boring hazel, not like the warm browns or piercing greens of his friends. His pores were to big, and face too colorless. His body was too wide, and it made him look fat. His eyebrows were bushy, but not in that defined way Kendall's were. His teeth were crooked, and James rued the day he didn't allow the orthodontist to give him braces. He had split ends, his nose was oily, his ears too large, his neck too long, his feet huge, his knees knobby, his abs not defined enough, his muscle tone too weak...

The list went on, and James didn't know what he could do to make it better. His friends expected him down at the pool, but he could barely face 2J and leave the bathroom, let alone go show himself to all of LA at the pool. He felt so embarrassed and ugly. After a bit of debating, he eventually decided just to tiptoe back to his room and bury himself under the covers where the world couldn't see him and laugh. Now all he had to do was figure out how he could stay there forever...

The sound of the front door slamming down the hall had James cursing in his head. It was all he could do to pray that it had been Momma Knight just snagging her car keys to close the door so violently, not one of the friends probably wondering where he was right now. He squirmed underneath the comforter at the sound of approaching footsteps, hoping they were headed toward Katie's room across the hall and not his own. He didn't feel like talking about his unattractiveness, and he certainly didn't feel like being dragged downstairs in nothing but a swimsuit to the pool. Talk about mortifying.

His heart stopped when the duel shadows of feet blocked out the light from under the door frame. He crossed his fingers as the knob was turned and the bright florescents of the hall poured into the dim room and blinded him. "Ugh... I'm shunning life today, now go away," he told the dark figure hovering in the doorway. As the person crossed their arms and leaned against the molding, James caught a flash of golden hair. He rolled over in bed to face the wall, knowing that resisting would be useless with Kendall coming at him, but that didn't mean he had to be happy about it.

"Come on, buddy... Do I even have to ask?" Kendall asked, and James pouted.

"Even if you _did_ ask," he said to the wall, his voice tone sounding childish even to him, "I wouldn't answer." A sigh from the other side of the room told James that Kendall wasn't going to let this conversation go, and lowering of mattress when the green-eyed boy sat on the edge of the bed confirmed it. James could feel himself heating up in embarrassment as Kendall stared at him and his ugly face. He tried to resist stuffing his face in his pillow, but eventually he couldn't bear the thought of Kendall seeing him like this anymore and caved.

Before he was even covered for a moment, a hand slinked under and lifted it off of him. Green eyes met hazel for a second, until James looked away, flushing. Kendall grabbed his jaw and forced him to look at him, until eventually letting him go and flopping down opposite him. "I don't get it," he said, and James just knit his eyebrows together in confusion. Kendall propped his head up with his arm and looked down at James. "It's like... you've got all this about you to feel confident in, and when it's anybody else you act like you know it, but then you have these days where you stick yourself in bed and you can't see it anymore. Why can't you just _see_ it, James? Why is it only a sometimes thing?" he asked, flustered with his voice raising slightly with each word. James couldn't help but to look away.

"I don't know..." James murmured to the wall, his insides feeling like they were twisting together. He didn't want to talk about this anymore. He didn't want to think about how he could never see the "good things" Kendall could or about the lengths he went to so he could keep that hidden from everyone, even himself. Kendall scoffed and rolled his eyes.

"As if, James. There's something going on with you, and it's freaking everyone out. I can't even begin to tell you how worried you're making Logan and Carlos right now. Stop denying something is up and just _talk_ to me. You need to tell me, James. It's not that hard, just open up for goodness-"

"I can't, Kendall!" James spurted out, cutting him off and sitting up, hating the way fear laced through his voice. "I can't! It's _mine_, okay? Mine, not yours. You don't get to know _every freaking little thing_. Some stuff is _personal_, and you just don't get to know. It's mine. _Mine!_ You can't have it cause then... then..." he trailed off, not wanting to say what he was thinking, but not knowing where else to bring the conversation. Kendall's eyes narrowed as he fell silent, and he immediately started pressing.

"Then _what_, James?" Kendall asked, tone demanding an answer. James struggled to swallow, his mouth suddenly feeling very dry. He flinched away as Kendall kept digging. "Come one, Jay Jay. Then what? You said, 'then... then...' What'll happen, James? What comes after the then? What are you thinking, bud?" James's head whipped up.

"_Then I can't pretend anymore!_" he spurted out, alarmed by the desperation behind his words. He felt nauseous with fear, and suddenly, the flood gates open. He hiccuped his explanation, finding it hard to talk through his tears. "I can't pretend, and I _need_ to pretend, Kendall, or I'll end up here," he choked out, gesturing to the bed he was in. "If you know, then it'll be true, and I really can't have it be true..." he sobbed, and Kendall immediately wrapped him up in a hug. James's head nuzzled into the crook of his neck. He quickly started reassuring him he wouldn't make him say anything, but James just cried harder.

"What's wrong?" he asked, alarmed. He had told James he wouldn't make him talk, but he was still upset. "Why are you still sad?" James just sniffled and held him so tight, he thought his spine might crack. At this point, his shirt was soaked through and James's fists were twisted into his shirts.

"It's _true_," he gasped, resting his forehead on Kendall's chest. "I... I don't see what's good," he said quickly, as if he only had one breath to get it out, and with the way he was crying, he really only did. Kendall grabbed his shoulders before taking one hand and lifting his chin up. Their eyes connected, and the blonde stared straight into James's soul, alarmed by all the pain and hurt that was dwelling there. He felt his chest constrict with worry for the tanner boy, but didn't know what to say... this was above him. Kendall ran his fingers through the other boy's hair and licked his lips, trying to figure out something to say.

"I... hm... Well... you don't have to," he determined, eyebrows furrowing together in thought, but then a look of certainty dominated his faces. "Cause I can see all the good parts for you, even when you're sure you don't have any." James mulled it over, and looked at him in curiosity half-heartedly. Kendall smirked and ran his hand through his own hair this time. A spark of creativity flashed in his eye and he pulled James off the bed, walking him over to the bedroom mirror. James avoided making eye contact with it until Kendall forced him to. "Point to what you don't like," he instructed, and James shakily rose a hand to point out eyes in the reflection.

"I don't like the color," he explained, and Kendall shook his head.

"Are you kidding? I'm not excepting that as an answer, you have _no_ reason to not like your eyes. They're so deep, and intense. Even if hazel isn't you're favorite eye color, you can't help but get drawn in by them... Seriously, there's a reason girls flock to you. it's a privilege to get one look from those things." James blushed, and a smile crept up onto his face. He immediately pointed at it, just before it morphed into a frown.

"That. I don't like that either," he told Kendall, and the other boy looked at him, lost.

"What, your smile?" he asked, and James just nodded. Kendall rolled his eyes and smacked him on the back of the head. "As if. James... you're smile makes everyone else smile, too. It's contagious... I'm also not accepting that as an answer. If you're going to pick something that you don't like, it had _really _not be likable," he said with a grin that James returned, elbowing him in the stomach. Kendall just laughed and responded with a quick, "Get on my level!"

The two stood in front of the mirror for two hours, which was far to long for Kendall. As far as he was concerned, no one should have two hours worth of unreasonable things to not like about yourself. James had been pointing out stuff Kendall wasn't aware someone could not like. James hated everything from the way his jaw curved up at his neck, to the way the skin on his elbow looked when he held his arm straight out. Eventually, though, everything had been addressed, and James was smiling like he'd just won the Tour De France without even trying. "Better? Kendall asked.

"Definitely," James responded, and went to leave, and but sent a wary look towards Kendall before going. The blonde just rose his right hand and swore.

"I'll always be there to tell you what you're missing," he promised. James just nodded and opened the door, jumping when an evesdropping Carlos and Logan tumbled through the door. James just laughed and kicked them while they were down. Eventually, the bedroom erupted with an all out wrestle, the shorter boys easily being pinned to the ground.

James's thoughts about his appearance were forgotten for the day.

**Meh. Whatever. Half of this got deleted cause my computer. Is. CRAP. So I just rushed the end, I'll admit it. BUT I WAS FINISHED WITH THIS! So whatever.**

**Hope you enjoyed, whoever I promised this to!**


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